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Y5’s Wow-writing

manyara1

Manyara

In Y5 we’ve been learning how to write a story from another point of view. We’ve been studying the story of Manyara – a selfish and unpleasant character – and Nyasha – an altruistic [unselfish] and pleasant character. The title of the story: The beautiful daughters of Mufaro. Please enjoy some random sentences from Y5’s wow-writing. When we write, we try to use compound and complex sentences. Do you spot any in their writing?

Sukhman: As the sun baked down upon the river bed, I was busy listening to Nyasha singing to her pet snake.  As I was walking carefully to the city, I saw an old lady and she frightened me to death! Secretly, but quickly, I approached the palace and minutes later, the wedding party arrived at the palace. I growled to my sister not to go inside the chamber and that there was a snake with ten heads with poisonous teeth!

SimranjitB: Suddenly, from nowhere, a messenger arrived with some dazzling news. As the stars lit up the world, I grabbed some food and silently crouched down gently, ready to go!  Bashing through the thick and overgrown forest, I spotted an old cold-hearted woman, wearing a chick  brown jacket, trying to explain about the laughing trees. 

Ruben: Whenever I heard the droning begging voice, I got even madder and angrier at the boy, as he was getting louder and louder, therefore I screamed at him to shock him and he just wandered off, back to from where he came from. Late that morning, I came across an old mysterious lady with her body stuck in a tree! 

HarveenS: As I put on my old worn-out clothes to fetch water from the well and to pick berries, I heard the emergency horn from a messenger and I quickly gathered everything in a clearing and listen to the message. That same night, as the moon replaced the sun, after everyone was asleep, I dashed off to the forest to be the first and adorable girl standing right in front of the King!

Kuljit: Dreadfully shocked by noticing the old ugly woman that knew my name, I immediately ignored her and rapidly strolled off without taking any notice of her. Just when I thought I was nearly by the Palace, I came past an orchard of oak trees, which started laughing at me! Just then the sun opened its eyes and shone its brightness at the trees.  After lumbering hours through the forest, I finally approached the Palace and I could feel my face gleaming by the beautiful sight in front of me.

Priya: Minutes later, which felt like hours, I saw a small boy begging for food and he kept on being very demanding. Without offering any food to him, I passed the innocent, poor boy, whilst my cautious eyes were squinting and scanning the area around me. Was it my imagination?

Taljot: Soon, as it turned dark, I rapidly and quietly tiptoed out of the house and stopped right in front of Nyasha’s window, looking how she admired herself in front of the mirror. On my way through the forest, I stumbled over a young boy, who was very impolite and begging for food. Wondering how Nyasha was going to react, I noticed an old, ugly and wrinkled lady, sitting on a large boulder and she stared at me with a stern face. 

Amrit: Whilst Nyasha was wasting her time in her garden, singing to Nyoka, a chubby-looking messenger brought an urgent message from the King. Quietly and cautiously, I crept out of the house, without trying to make a noise. 

Jeevan: Secretly, though immediately, without wasting any precious time, I jogged off into the forest, trying to be at the Palace before dark. I honestly wanted to help the poor begging boy, however, having had only food for myself, I flew off and continued my frightful journey through the deep and dark forest. All of a sudden, the begging boy was laughing loudly and I stood there in shock. 

Gursimran: Almost immediately, after I sneaked very quietly out of the front door, I realised the forest was even gloomier than I expected. On my way through the dark forest, a skinny, pointy-eared boy interrupted my journey to the Palace. Suddenly, from nowhere, I saw an old, weird lady, with a horror expression on her face, sitting on a stone. 

Navkiran: Whilst the dazzling rays of the sun were roaming the planes of Zimbabwe, I felt so awfully bored by everyone’s thoughts about Nyasha being the future queen! As the day was drawing to a close, I was getting ready to freak out! Strolling down cautiously through the forest, I spotted the grove of trees the old lady was referring to.

nyasha

Image edited – Nyasha



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